"Where I grew up, during Prohibition, there were in the same street, twenty-one underground bars and saloons. I learned to drive at thirteen, to be able to bring my father unharmed after his rounds at night in bars and among bootleggers. Sometimes, I waited in the car masturbating me. At fourteen, I learned that he had a mistress. At fifteen, I went to this girl gringue unsuccessfully. I was sixteen when my father disappeared overnight. I went in search of his mistress, that I found in a speakeasy opposite a brewery that my father had built. She taken to a hotel room. He was lying there in his sweat and vomit. I brought home and nursed him all night. Doc Rhodes came in the morning. He was a junkie. Before leaving for school, I saw something in a heated spoon and sucked into a syringe. During the course of Latin, I passed the slumber to the excitement. Sorry I asked. I went to the billiard room S & H, where I trained at three-cushion billiards. The phone rang. My mother had found. My father was dying.
When I got home, he was dead. I had never set foot in a Catholic church, but I made a genuflection to his side, I kissed him, and spent the night in a Turkish bath. "
Nicholas Ray, Journal dating from the early 70 in Action (the direction of actor) , Yellow Now, 1992
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